well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
