You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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