I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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