The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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