He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
