theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just found puke in my bra..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
