Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
