What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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