i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
