remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
