We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
