i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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