Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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