On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
