Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
