I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
