I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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