my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
