Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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