he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize