life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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