i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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