im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
