I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
