She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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