The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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