these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
