I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
