I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
