AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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