I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
