Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
