Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
