it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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