umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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