I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
