Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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