i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
