I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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