I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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