i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
