Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
