You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
