I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
