Just cropdusted the office
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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