we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize