So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize