my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
