just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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