i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
