I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
