Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize