Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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