I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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