It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
