Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
