It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
