from now on my penis is your penis
I wanna passion pit in your ass
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In America we eat man semen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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