This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
