and i looked up. we had an audience...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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