Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
