Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
