we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
