we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
