tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
