All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
