the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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